Matching Morals

Hello again, 

I have a thing about morals. They are pretty high on my priority agenda. I started thinking about how important it is for couples to have matching morals, and what it would be like for them to be on completely different pages in terms of hopes and dreams. 

I think I am pretty lucky to be in the same scope as my better half and we have always had clear, 'matching' goals of what we want out of life in terms of the future and a family. It has worked perfectly for us to be able to move forward together knowing, ultimately, we are both working towards the same goals. 

But what must life be like for those couples who don't match, or even worse, did match but then have grown and changed to ultimately be on different pages. I cannot imagine what it must be like to 'match your morals' at the outset but then to one day discover that actually the other person has had a change of heart. You are completely helpless to the change and it is not of your doing. You are powerless to stop it. When Mr B and I first 'courted', I always had this dream of emigrating to Canada. He was whole heartedly on board with this move and we used to talk about our plans to one day get there. But then as my friendships and family relationships became more and more important to me, I started to have a change of heart. Mr B continued to talk about his emigration dream and it was extremely hard to break it to him that I had changed my mind. I suppose it's a guilt I will always live with.

It's also important to remember that morals and life goals cannot be the be all and end all. Just because two people want the same things out of life, there has to be something more to ensure the journey to get there is worthwhile.

It also doesn't have to be in a romantic relationship that this occurs. Friendships can be affected by this too. I have a friend who is very, very dear to me but I think looking back we have become much closer now she is in a place in her life where we are more aligned to my lifestyle and activities. Is this selfish? I don't think so. We were always good friends but it's hard sometimes to connect when one of you spends every Saturday night puking in a club toilet and the other is wiping baby sick off their well worn sweat pants. I feel I am more than able to connect with people who are in a different place in their life but that connection, I suppose, ultimately has to stop somewhere if you are in different places. More so if you overall life, long term goals are completely different from one another. I think, naturally, we tend to be drawn towards others who are like ourselves and want the same things. The friendships I have made recently since the babe was born are completely different to the long-standing ones I had beforehand. I am talking to someone who genuinely understands how it feels to survive on 4 hours sleep and to always have that faint smell of baby wipes on all their belongings. At this particular stage in my life, I am standing in a slightly different place to my other 'old' friends. I was the first to get married and have a baby and so the others have slightly different life priorities and goals right now. But it's ok because I know, in the long term, we are all going to end up in the same place. In the same vein, it's also ok if we don't. We have the same morals and ethics that we can connect to.

All of this sounds very confusing but I really do think that matching morals are important in all relationships in life but I suppose they are not the be all and end all. If you are choosing relationships which are fun and you know that when you spend time with that individual you are, for that very moment, on the same page, it's ok. But for the long term, those relationships which are more serious and long lasting, I think it's important to establish at the outset that those walking beside you for the majority of your daily life are walking down the same path as you. I suppose you may say that their are many different paths which lead to the same destination - and that also is true - but every once in a while, it's nice to walk all the way in company instead of being alone. 

Speak soon,

L xx