1 + 1

Hello again,

When I think about my childhood, and how it was made up – in terms of the actual family unit and also emotionally – in my head, it’s the complete norm. As aren’t all our childhoods? But the truth is perhaps it wasn’t quite the norm.

There is the age old argument of that there isn’t such a thing as the ‘norm’ but someone, somewhere dreamt up the 2.4 children scenario and really we all do still hold this ideal as a ‘normal’ family.

My family was made up of two main parts. My Mum. And me. I was an only child in a single parent family.

The truth is that until the age of 4, my Mum and I lived with my grandparents who, in turn, became a second set of parents to me. My Mum and I relied on them for many things; monetarily and emotionally.

At the age of 4, my Mum bought our ‘first’ house just around the corner and we began our true life of living and functioning a two person unit.

It was perfect.

When people talk about their childhoods, they often describe the pure bliss of family life and family holidays. I had all of that – but more.

My Mum and I revelled in the fact that we need not consult anyone else of our plans. We built dreams together and from a small child, I was made to feel that I was a key decision maker in the home. I helped chose what we did at the weekend, where we went on holiday, what we had for dinner and how we wanted to run our lives. Although so much respect existed between my Mum and I, we were more like friends or sisters, bumbling through life on the hunt for excitement.

Obviously as a child I had no concept of the strain my Mum was under to work and earn money for us to do those nice things but as I grew older I began to appreciate the sacrifice and love my Mum poured into our relationship.

Did I often wish I was in that 2.4 children, two parent family? Sure I did. But looking back I’m not really sure of what I would have gained from it. I had everything I needed and more from that one person.

My grandparents were never far from us – physically or emotionally – and so really I was brought up in a 1 child, 3 parent family. Definitely not following the normal rules of convention.

As I now have my own child and I am in fact bringing her up in a two parent family, I am faced with my own struggles which I could not have comprehended. I have never really witnessed the upbringing of a child where a man and woman work together to figure out how to raise a baby. I have never really seen how two parents compromise on the way to teach a child, and although the babe isn’t at the decision making stage yet, I suppose there will come a time where I will have to learn, like she, that the parents make the decisions and not the child. Sure, we will instil a sense of responsibility and consequence, but she be more of a bystander than a shaper in our family roles.

I look forward to bringing her up in a family that I suppose others may dream of and I hope that I am able to give her the same sense of fun, love, security and success that I felt.

I suppose, after it all, the point is that it doesn’t really matter the shape and size of a family, just as long as there is an abundance of love.

Speak soon,

L xxx